In case you haven’t heard, there’s been a little upheaval in Washington lately. Crazy, I know. Crazy people from side A go after side B, fail, and then claim they never meant to hurt side B in the first place. It’s a tail as old as time. Et tu, Brute?
While the political elite battle it out and ignore the little guys, the rest of us have to find some way to get through this dumpster fire of a month. Well, I’ve got just what you need: cocktail pairings for when politics go to hell.
Impeachment Bellini
What else could get you boozing before lunch than an impeachment? What about two? Try this on for size:
2 peaches (for each impeachment attempt. Take the pits out, unless you really want to make your blender suffer as hard as you’ve been.)
A bottle of champagne or Asti…or just some white wine and La Croix. It’s 2021. No one’s looking.
Some citrus juice, because life has sure given you enough lemons lately
Shove them all in the blender and watch all of those items blur together, just like your memories of the past 12 months. Turn off your blender. Add a shot of vodka. Chug.
All that political mumbo jumbo about whether or not the impeachment was well timed melts away the second you put one of these to your lips. Plus, since it’s a drink you can have in the morning, no one can judge you for tipping one back the next time some famous politician takes a stance at a podium (Seriously. Whoever makes those podiums must be rich).
Screwball Driver
Speaking of drinks to have in the morning, this one seems natural. After all, if you’re going to watch an orange guy on the television, you may as well sip some of that sweet juice yourself.
Vodka to taste
Some orange juice (any kind will do, as long as it’s bright freakin’ orange) *
Pour a bunch of vodka into a glass. Then top it with orange juice.
* Note: Orange juice is optional.
This drink will screw you up in this screwed up world we’ve got. At least you’ll know, while it won’t protect you from COVID-19, this drink will prevent scurvy.
Old Fashioned Administration
Out with the old, in with the…older. Trump is 74. Biden is 78. Are we running short on people under the age of 70 or something?
Age or not, these geezers have opinions almost as different as oil and water. And while you could tip back some of that mix to celebrate (or mourn, your choice) the power shift, I wouldn’t recommend it. Try this instead:
2 shots of whiskey (just make sure it’s American)
Some simple syrup to remind you of the glory days
2 dashes of bitters, with maybe a little extra, depending on how you feel about the change
A few ice cubes to keep it fresh
A cherry, because there’s always a silver lining…right?
Mix them all together. Forget what order they go in. It doesn’t matter anymore. At the end of the day, whatever winds up in the glass winds up in it, and you’ll drink it down. Besides, you’ll have plenty of time to perfect this one over the next four years.
Need something to laugh at while you drink? Easy. Check out one of these amazing books written by a brilliant author. I wonder who that could be?